It’s one of those favorite phrases of parents of young children. “Any day now!”
“Any day now!” we chirp as cheerfully as someone as sleep-deprived as the parent of an infant can chirp when someone asks if she is sleeping through the night yet with unknowing cruelty.
“Any day now!” we promise as we watch her rock on her hands and knees contemplating the mechanics of crawling and ourselves perhaps appreciating its complexities.
“Any day now!” I’ve been saying for weeks as I propel Lily, her hand suctioned to my finger, in walking circles around and around and around the house lest she yell at me with the impatience and anger she shows only when she wants to practice walking or to eat.
And today, one day after her fourteen-month anniversary, was the day she toddled her way across the living room into her brother’s arms.
It’s pretty impressive, really. Imagine learning to walk in just fourteen months. I have as I move toward my tenth year of trying to really figure out headstand.
I suspect I’ve regressed somewhat in these past few months of Lily moving toward walking. But still, ten years is a long time, no matter how you slice it. And fourteen months isn’t really — at least once you’re done breastfeeding.
When Lily first started pulling herself up to standing with her characteristic look-at-me! grin, I began to appreciate just how hard it is to let go.
This is something you’d think I already appreciated, seeing as I moved my headstand away from a wall a good seven or eight years ago. But there is a difference between being determined enough to hold a balance and being truly balanced.
This difference should have become apparent to me on Monday morning when, for the first time, Lily found her way to standing without the help of a handy table or dog or parental leg. She just unfolded on strength and her center until there she was, smiling and solid, standing in front of me. From there, the steps were only days off.
And so it is with yoga poses and, yes, with life. You can hang on, refusing to fall over by dint of sweat and desire. How else, really, have I made it through almost nine years of tree pose and standing finger to toe pose and even half moon balance? More to the point, how else did I make it through three miserable years of law school? “Pain” is a word that easily comes to mind. But, “It’s no big deal,” works a lot better for me now, especially since I’m no longer in law school.
Lily took her time, and that’s a valuable lesson. Even as her friends at preschool left her behind as the only crawler in her class, she thought, “It’s no big deal.” Okay, Coraline was just taking her first steps last week, but, still, the pressure was on. Did Lily care? I seriously doubt it — not when Mommy’s arms were available to escape ground-level and a good crawl could get her pretty much anywhere she needed to be in a pinch.
No, Lily found her center first. Then she began walking.
I thought of this today as I once again tried to fight off the habitual panic that frequently rises when it’s time for headstand. I found my center — both mindfully and physically. And I let that be what the pose was about. Not getting there quickly. Not even staying a long time. Just finding the calm and the rightness about moving from your center.
Did anyone clap for me the way the family hooted and hollered for Lily this morning? You’d better bet not. But I’m not fourteen-months old, and doing a headstand is a far cry from walking on the Important Milestones in Life meter.
Besides, Lily, wise soul that she is, would very likely walk whether we egged her on or not. Because it’s what she’s decided to do. It’s what she’s ready for. And it’s what she’s teaching me to do as well.
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