I would just like to point out that it is impossible to post a coherent essay with Sesame Street on in the room.
There’s the mini-mariachi band playing with Big Bird to distract me. (Nothing like a bunch of eight-year-olds dressed up like mariachis to make you wonder what embarrassing choices your own child will make in the future.)
There are the guilt pangs hitting me like lightning bolts hurled by Zeus at the mother who can’t even keep the tv off past 10:30 on a snow day.
And there’s the boy snuggling against me more and more insistently as if to point out that I have compounded my lack of good-motherness by not even watching with him and commenting on what’s happening as I oh-so-conscientiously do on our carefully regulated Sesame Street nights. Might as well leave the room and let him sit two inches from the screen drooling slightly. We all know that’s exactly what I’m going to end up doing with his upcoming sibling anyhow.
Instead, I sit here thinking of what I would like to write about — the breastfeeding conversation I engaged in online yesterday, how Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food is making it even harder to feed my child guilt-free, and maybe something about trying to find the balance between having my own life for the next four and a half weeks pre-baby and resting up for what I know comes next … starting all over on the search for mindfulness in motherhood.
Eventually, however, I will close the computer, put my arm around my boy, and watch the snow not melting outside.
This, I believe, is what is called “surrender.”
A Chronicle of Snow Day Surrender — In Real Time
10:51 — I am now watching Elmo’s World. What does it say that I actually look forward to Elmo’s World? Then again, what can beat having Jake raise his arms and say, “Da-da-da-DA-da-DA!”?
11:09: I fail to see what is supposed to be so charming about SpongeBob Squarepants.
Jake says, “Sesame Street, please.”
11:22 Introducing Jake to the joys of channel surfing. “I don’ like it.”
11:28 Even a cartoon of Loretta Lynn as a pig on HBO Family isn’t catching his attention. The Michael Pollan book, however, is. It’s cute when he is pretending to read it. Not so cute when he throws it at me to get me off the computer.
11:42-12:02 Jake’s Snow Day Masterpiece. Maybe I’m getting the hang of being a snow day mom. Although I must admit that “paint” was his idea.
12:19 Watching Sesame Street again. But only because I needed him distracted to upload the picture of his art so it looks like we have done something besides watching tv and reading the first four pages of Go, Dog. Go. today.
12:31 Classic Ernie & Bert patting heads and rubbing tummies, followed by John Legend singing about singing. I think our second hour of Sesame Street is shaping up to be decent parenting.
12:51 Second of three TiVo’d Sesame Streets over and time for lunch. Jake is insisting on pineapple chips. A good mother would convince him to each fresh fruit. This mother will offer it and see what happens.
1:39 How to make lunch last 50 minutes? Serve sticky rice and beans and let Jake sing “Rubber Ducky” between individual grains of rice. Follow up by sharing a banana with him in my lap while I read Entertainment Weekly. Try to make it an educational experience by pointing out pictures of President Obama. Learn that Obama thinks SpongeBob Squarepants is “pretty funny.” Decide to reevaluate my initial opinion.
2:08 What a shame we had to interrupt stacking star blocks for a poopy diaper. The thrill is now gone. As is any indication that Jake intends to take a nap today.
2:44 Calling Grandma. Flash of brilliance. Plus, after I spend a few too many minutes on the phone, Jake tends to get all cuddly. Could a nap be imminent?
3:24 Nope.
4:44 Apparently baking oatmeal raisin cookies does not count as a fun snowy day activity for a two-year-old. Methodically picking the raisins out of the baked cookies does.
5:00 Last TiVo’d episode of Sesame Street, coming up.
6:58 Steady decline from five o’clock until Mike came through the door 20 minutes ago. I attribute it to the sin of eating some of the cookies myself and not getting the nap I was counting on (even if Jake didn’t need it).
Mike tells me County schools have already announced that they are closed for tomorrow. I feel that I have tested the limits of my surrender quite fully for now and do not need the challenge of another day.
But, then, I’m not in control, am I?
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